“Among all the creatures of the world, none compares with me,” the elephant said to itself as it trod the lush fields beside the Euphrates. A wren settled on its back and answered, “But I, in my own small way, was created just as you were.”

The elephant stopped and tried to flick the wren away. “Of all the creatures ever to grace this earth, none can defecate as I can,” he declared. “But I, in my own small way, can defecate as much as you,” replied the wren, who was not easily dismissed.

“Allow me to demonstrate,” the elephant replied, and then began the most prodigious bowel movement. “You win, you win,” cried the wren, almost choking on the stench. “You are indeed full of it. But only shit-sniffing flies will follow you now.”

© Richard Parkin 2026

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